Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
