There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
