I accidentally burped into my bong.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
