just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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