in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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