Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
