I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
