I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
