WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
