I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
