she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
