i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
