They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
