we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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