I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
