DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
