Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
