So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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