They should really pass out barf bags in church
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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