Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
