and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
