No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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