I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
