My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
