I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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