it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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