I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
