you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
