I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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