It's like a parade of train wrecks.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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