We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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