Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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