Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
