my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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