i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Randomize
