Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
