i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
