I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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