It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
