I'm eating all of the evidence.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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