im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
