no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
