I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
