I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
