i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
