so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
