Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
