Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
