You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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