i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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