I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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